been long… (again…)

2 notepads had gone by since i last typed here. Constant writing has always been what’s kept me going. Probably nothing could describe what I’ve gone thru these past 6 months. Albeit all that flew by, I’m happy all these while. Maybe nobody would probably bother to look into this page anymore, probably that’s why I’m back here writing as well.

 

It’s been a horrible 2012 thus far. Turned 26 without a single hoohaa. Nearing the end of the month of August now. Just like any other month, I pray that the next would be better than the last. I’m typing in the dark, trying not to jolt my gf awake. How easily she gets awaken.

Tried 3 of 7 Polaroid cameras last month. None work good.

Next month marks Grandpa’s 2nd death anniversary. Received a text minutes ago from Meimei that on the 8th they are gonna pray for him. I can’t fully describe how i felt. I chose not to reply. Doing what i always do. But i would have liked them to live their lives without having to inform me about stuff like that.

Kept asking myself. What exactly do i want? Is this the freedom that i crave so badly? Is this the door firmly shut? Is this what i call “vacuum”?

I don’t know if it’s depression, or insomnia or love, or whatever it may be. I crave for a good photo soon.

I so crave for a good shot.

How much more of this i can take I’m not sure either.

Going back to my notepad.

 

 

 

 

已经撑得累了

真的。我累了。说真的，这样的生活，我跟不上。我也好想好想简简单单地，平凡地生活。这样的快乐非常地短占。我也不想要了。

damn how bad i need this space

How thankful I am I still have this space to shout out!

Damn. They don’t really know me do they? Tt’s probably y I dun see e need to approve their friend requests few months ago.

Well, this is for u pple. U guys can judge me however u want. Say watever u guys want. Know me better n all of u shuld probably know I can’t pretty much be bothered… Zzz…I’m pretty straight. U guys will hear from me soon. U guys don’t really need to go ard e bush or use 3rd party status updates. This just shows how much u guys crave my attention huh? How awesome.

I’m bz enuff to be bothered seriously. Y am I not rebutting would most probably cause u guys to have sleepless nights these few days. Good for all of u. Pls grow up. Can come to me straight in e face and spit on me. I like it better tt way.

I’m not telling u these on social networking sites too. Aint becos I’m worried. Aint becos I’m bothered by watever was said. I’m going straight to u. Soon. Gd nite.

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Gonna meet a seller after work today for e first ever DSLR I’m gonna own. Been contemplating btw e D3100 and the much higher end D90 for some time now.

Thought e D90 might not really be like e 550D or e D3100 as an entry level cam, it might still be a gd investment to start with. However, btw $1400 and $850, it seems easier to go with e D3100. Wonder how long I’m gonna stick with this tho.

Gonna sell my PS3 real soon. I don’t even have time for books! Damn.

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Phew am writing here again. Just in case another tweet or fb update gets someone overreacting again.

Well, being at a different place now makes it so damn hard for me. Feel so useless sometimes. Lol. It’s way too easy for me! Haha. So damn boring everyday.

Alrite. Someone is spamming my whatsapp. Damn. Stop here for now

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剛下班回到家得知認識多年的鄰居突然去世了。她在中國度假時，昏倒在巴士上，在醫院急救時，就再也沒醒過來。人生真的好短暫。這也讓我有好多好多感觸。我過著我想要的生活，今生也絕對不後悔。珍惜現在所擁有的，知足，平凡也是可以幸福吧。

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又是一個特別早起的早晨。不知道甚麼時候開始喜歡躺在床上看著手機，甚麼時候看著其他人的空間，奇怪地自己也感到一種安慰。最近也發生太多事了吧。我也漸漸的覺得生活疲累，自己快要撐不下去了。決定就今天，帶久違了的相機們出外走走。

Early Sunday Morning

有时候，突然发现身边的人都不了解自己，面对着身边的人，都不知道该说些什么 。有时候，感觉自己与世界格格不入，曾经一直坚持的东西一夜间面目全非。有时候，突然很想逃离现在的生活，想不顾一切收拾自己简单的行李去流浪。在别人突然对你说，我觉得你变了时，百感交集。

好累，好累。

此刻詞窮的我不知該怎樣表達自己內心深處的感受也想不出一個所以然。在這裡也發呆了好久才把這短短的話寫完。身心感到疲憊的我，只是想好好地一個人生活。如果在何時有冒犯了你，請不要介意。我需要屬於自己的空間，屬於自己的時間。人們說記憶里都是美好的風景，我說回憶里都是自己渴望的壯觀美景。

Damn it

I’m writing again. Hopin tt still, nobody’s gonna see this.

Pls shed me some light. I badly need a little of everything. I’m confused. I’m bemused. I’m perplexed. I have no idea wat I’m going thru right now.

N I’ve gotta say, this have been tough for me. Real tough. Not getting to sleep EVERY SINGLE NIGHT does not make things any better.

Pls spring training, pls come faster. Save me from all these. Let me have smth to look forward to everyday.

Books n music n photography saves me almost all e time. I took a turn this time. There’s smth wrong again.

Dr Soh, will I be seeing u anytime soon again? Damn. Don’t get me wong, i think u won’t want me in ur office anytime soon either.